Friday, February 9, 2007

saving marilyn

So Anna Nicole finally bit it. Or chewed, shot, popped, or drank enough of whatever it was to finally put her over the edge. And now the news is all full of tributes and everyone and their mother is trying to draw comparisons to Marilyn Monroe.

Please. Cut it out.

Marilyn could at least do more than pose naked. And she had an affair with Kennedy. Anna Nicole married an old dude, grabbed at his money, gained like 100lbs, got a reality TV show that followed her spaced-out drugged-up ass around while she sputtered gibberish, and had about the same entertainment value as watching a slow motion train-wreck. Just because she tried to dress the same and color her hair the same does not put her on equal footing. Marilyn's voice can give men rumbles in their loins to this day. Anna Nicole is better seen than heard. Marilyn could act (somewhat), Anna Nicole couldn't handle more than reality TV level camera presence, and even that claim is dubious.

Marilyn was like the hot, clean girl next door who was just suggestive enough that you thought just maybe she might make out with you under the bleachers after school if you got lucky and if she would, you would thank god every day for the chance. Anna Nicole is like a third tier Nevada hooker in a mid-scale whorehouse in Reno, where you think the sheets are likely pretty clean but that girl might have something you'd regret seeing after the liquor wore off.

Not the same. Not even close.

And if you doubt it, consider this: Elton John ain't gonna write shit for Anna Nicole.

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