Wednesday, February 7, 2007

drug me

Could your leg discomfort be a symptom of Restless Leg Syndrome? Could your difficulty sleeping at night be Sleepless Night Syndrome? Is your scale reading high because of inherited Notmyfault Obesity Disease? Do you have Highcholesterolistis, Hypertensionosis, Lousyhygienetosis combined with Stinkymouthitis, or Chronic Pain? Do you have uncontrolable Menopause? All these are serious diseases and are not your fault, ask your doctor about MegaPharma's Phreshair, a little pill you can take twice a day and make all your ailements go away. You don't have to give up your morning coffee, mid-day smoke, lunchtime burger, or evening cocktails, all you need is a little dose of Phreshair to override you body's natural impulses and let you live the life you deserve. After all, mother nature hasn't kept up with the times.
So if you have tried everything short of diet and exercise, or just can't understand why you are always so tired and hate going to bed before midnight, let us take care of you. Here at MegaPharma, we understand. So ask your doctor today about MegaPharma's Lifestyle Support series of perscription drugs!

If people would just bitch and moan less and take care of themselves more, we'd all live longer and happier. Duh. Amazing. It seems like every other person you meet has some inherited, aquired, not-their-fault condition that is responsible for their spare tire, spare tank, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, erectile dysfunction, dehydration, weakness, dandruff, pale skin, bedhair, and poor wardrobe.

Eat less crap. Drink less booze. Dont smoke. Get off your ass and move.

Fuckin' Magic.

Ran into too many damn commercials today. Sickening.

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