Wednesday, May 30, 2007

more stupid

Pro's are dicks. 1 and 2. Learn some modesty and be happy for a dude, even if it's a mistake. It'll all come out in the wash. Dicks.

That'll earn you twenty smacks on the head, and repeat "My shit stinks too" and "I will not be a dick" one hundred times.

In other news:

Record and white bar tape. Brand new white saddle, just to match. Hells yeah. And yes, that is a tail-light on the seat stay. I plan on being out late riding this, so purists can bite me.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Silverton cancelled because of a nasty wreck in the 4/5's that had guys still being stabilized on the pavement an hour later. Good lord. Keep the rubber side down.

Elkhorn is going to be my first road race in two months. That's going to be messed up. I'll have a bunch of thursday nighters and some crits under the belt... but still. No real gauge of fitness until Baker City. Could be trouble.

I went out and did the hillclimb tonight, for the first time all month, simply because I needed a real piece of data. Also, I really wanted to ride my carbon wheels. And I wore my TT helmet just for giggles. I justified it by saying that the first 0.9 miles are flat/flatish, which is more than 1/4 of the race. Good enough reason for me. The time wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, either, after a big weekend that included 90miles yesterday, with what seemed like killer headwind for most of it.

Actually, the real reason I'm bummed about not racing is that I don't get to ride my cool gear. I'll have to be a poser these next couple of weeks and ride the fancy stuff at the Thursday Night Worlds... just hope I don't flat.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Well shit. Talk about uninspired. I've been slammed at work and desperately trying to cram in rides afterwards, I'm so fried when I get home I can barely process the GF's 'sex in the city' re-runs much less the day's news, rants, dope, or drivel. This is kinda not fun. There's some solace found in late-night bike rebuilds, but more often than not I end up with grease imbedded in my pores and no idea why Ultegra cranks have a narrower q-factor than FSA ISIS and now I can't get a good chain line some damned bike. That's why I have a whole garage full of those things, when I screw one up I can just ride a different one.

CNN (or was it NBC?) kindly spat out the Republican debates the other night - which in my fatigued haze cemented my determination to one day see myself in Congress for no other reason than to pass a single bill: we need a law against Stupid.

Driving while eating a big mac and talking on your cell phone? Guilty of stupid. $1,000 fine, smack on the back of the head.

Vegan parents raising babies on apple juice and soy milk? Guilty of stupid. Loose custody of the kid, take 8 semesters of nutrition classes, then receive 200 smacks on the head while repeating "Stupid, stupid, stupid"

Take drugs to win a bike race? Guilty of stupid. Receive smacks on the back of the head while repeating above mantra, until unconscious. Forfit all lycra and ride your bike in tennis shoes for one year.

You get the idea.


Silverton this weekend will be my first race since the Roubaix last month. With my power meter still out for repair, and no racing, I have zero idea how relatively fit I am right now. This could be trouble. All the data and guesstimates that I have been able to gather make me think I'm pretty much levelling off as far as raw fitness is concerned. There's just no more time in the week I can take to keep adding on the hours. Now it's just a matter of making sure all the specificity is there, so really focus on getting my intervals in and on making all the group rides I can, and throwing down some intensity. At this point, easy miles are wasted miles unless I'm specifically resting up for something.

So it goes.

I stripped all the Ultegra off my red steel bike the other day and replaced it with a mix of Campy Record, my old FSA carbon cranks, Rival brakes, and a modified shimano cassette. Just for fun. I guess I've been feeling Italianophile recently. I like it. Actually, it raised a whole other set of questions since I think I was faster on it in the last couple of days than on my regular steed, and I think it might have to do with the crank length - switching back to 172.5 from 175mm. Usually I'm skeptical that would actually make a measureable difference, but it sure felt a lot snappier. I felt like I added a few rpms in any given gear. Maybe I'll race it this weekend for giggles, and see how it goes. Nice bike. All it needs is white bar tape and a white saddle, and it's set.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

the tools abide.

you know, i might just have to give up my pro bike racing news habit for a while. i mean, i spend a lot of time around the tool room at work, but nothing compares to the juice found over at the bike press rags these days. home depot's got nothing on these guys.

tyler: give it up already? doped a lot, he got caught a couple of time, career over. done. go learn the words "may i take your order?". learn to take your punishment like a whiny wh**e, instead of keeping up the whole "my evil twin doped my blood in the womb" routine.


landis may have to buy himself a new tie. yellow is looking less and less like his color.

greg drops a stinker - not just any stinker, but a big 'ol pipe clogger.
the proverbial fan spreads said dung like a pipe bomb.

wild. tools. wild tools.

i'm going to subscribe to "people", that has just got to be more serious than all this shit. the good news is, none of these jerks race bikes in oregon, so at the end of the day, who gives a damn? cruise on over to DC and forget about it.

it's late. i'm out of beer. i'm out.

Monday, May 14, 2007

What is tool in Italian?

And we have two Italian Tools leading the way. Que bella indeed.

Pettachi takes a stage, after a year of moping. Beautiful. Don't punch anything.

Di Luca pouts after his teammate grabs "his" jersey from him in the prologue. Note the coiffure, designer shades, poised pout. Get over it, tool-man.

I love italy.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

All Hail the Tools.

Oh man. Grab a cold one, strap on your utility belt, lower your jeans below your asscrack, and start hammering some nails, 'cause it's officially Tool Time.

I'll start with the classy Italian tools (small, expensive, pretty, semi-functional)

Only attempted doping. "only"? So running away with the Giro by riding the best climbers in the world off your wheel, day after day, winning with the biggest gap in modern history, and turning from a straight climber into an all-rounder and a TT-machine, that's just explained by a few more hours on the bike? Right. First he breaks down, quits Discovery, can't handle his conscience (and probably his Mother), confesses, and now he back pedals by saying he hadn't actually doped, yet. Tool.

It's like how Millar used to talk big, now now where is he? Not winning the tour, for damned sure. Not even close to being in contention.

I will say, I'm just glad he copped to it, now they can throw the book at him. I love watching the pressure turn on and the dopers squirm like kids in the dentist's chair. Let them keep racing until they confess or test positive, (you know, let the governing bodies show some integrity in their Tool hunt), but then when they crack, kick them out and strip them of all wins and money for the last three years. That ought to be just.

Yes, there is justice in this world after all. Like Toolyer Hamilton's return to the bike in obscurity, and then getting left off the Giro start list. Sucks to be clean, huh Tyler?

Ah yes. Let us rejoice in the celebration of Tools.

Yes, the real world does actually apply for Tools, too. I bless Toolishness every day.

Another favorite: Paris Hilton is going to jail. She got a DUI, suspended lisence, was told by the judge to enroll in an alcohol education program but never did, was caught driving with her suspended lisence and made to sign an affadavit that she had, in fact, just been told by some very nice cops that she wasn't allowed to drive, then she did it again, in true Tool style, by speeding with her headlights off. That's strikes, 1, 2, and 3. Strike 4 is going to double her jail time if she doesn't show up like she's supposed to.

I hope they throw her in the kind of prison that would generate the sequel to her lovely first film - maybe this one could be called "45 nights in the slammer". I smell an ANV award.

What a great stinkin' week. All hail the Tools.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Wednesday, May 2, 2007


The winner of the Roubaix Best Mullet competition, with a very strong impersonation of the Boonen-mullet, quite appropriate given the title of the race:

Slightly blurry photo, from K-man. However, note the unruly tail-feathers strewn about the shoulders, accentuated by the snarl and curled lip. It looks a little better with the helmet off.