Today I realized why those hipsters put top tube pads on their bikes.
I was standing in front of the Obama headquarters on Broadway, having a nice quiet phone conversation with the lady, when a hipster and his partner rolled by, going approximately 6-8mph, as they are wont to do, as higher speeds mean a compete inability to stop. Well, the car in front of them stopped at the stop sign there, and that is when I realized that this particular champ had not only no helmet and no brakes, but no toe clips either. He was riding flats. The car was stopped, and he tried to backpedal fruitlessly for about two crank revolutions, then, to avoid the car, swerved into the opposite lane and simultaneously jumped off his saddle to plant his feet on the ground, hitting his nuts on the top tube with a solid whack. I was almost too surprised to grin.
Top tube pads: simultaneously a brake substitute and hipster fertility treatment.
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