Monday, August 13, 2007

fixin' to.... barf?

Yet another fixed gear crit. Or, if you prefer: Me, Richard, Gary, Les, and Lou Swing riding around in circles for a half hour. I won a beer, a buck, a bottle, and ten bucks to a muffin shop on prairie road. Not bad for an informal, yet OBRA sanctioned ride. I feel kind of silly doing something I would do for shits on any given weekday anyways, and getting BAR points for it... so it goes. Hanging out with nobody but 6 or 7 Paul's guys, a couple others from the local road scene, and we've got an oh-feecial race and everything. Rock and Roll.

This week, tho, the too-cool-for-school, hemmed up ladies' jeans wearing, no-helmet, 12inch-flat-bar no-brakes fixed-gear wanna-be-messenger art-school-dropout types stayed home. Or, more likely, strutted around Mcmennamin's bikes locked up outside with a ten pound chain, having ridden all of three miles from their room in a drafty dusty house on Broadway, so they can get shitfaced and make sure everyone sees them in their new black women's tightie's off the clearance rack at Sears, 'cause you know, trendy is defined by actually being seen, I mean, what good is it to stand apart if Joe Public doesn't know about it, right? So you better be loud and get some attention from all those squares, so you can feel all good inside about how square they all are, and how way too cool you are. Yeah, you're different all right. Strut it. Preen in public. Get that 'ol cycling cap at a good rakish angle, you devil, you. Yeah. You're anti establishment. You drink micro brew and won't listen to music by any artist who has more than 50 fans, 'cause that makes them a sellout. Yeah. Your bike is powered by smugness. Go, Rocky, go.

Get the fuck out.

Far be it from me to lash out on a whole group of people digging their own private little scene, because hey, that's sort of my MO as well, but I get a little anti when it comes to the poser bike scene. Bikes are a bunch of things, from everyday tools to racing weapons to pleasure toys, but I sure hate to see something as blatently utilitarian as a fixed gear get made into a fashion accessory. It's sort of like trying to mooch the real bike rider's (commuters, racers, enthusiasts, people who go for actual bike rides for fun) vibe to get some sort of better-than-tho stature out of it. I'd have a little more respect if there were full fenders, a rack, a trailer hitch, front and rear lights, and road grime in the drivetrain. I'd give a nod if these guys actually rode a bike in the winter when it's pissing down rain. I'd give props if these were a tool, or an exercise machine, or anything other than some sort of fucking fashion accessory. Sorry, bikes are a lot of things, including toys, health clubs, shopping carts, and tools, and for a lot of different reasons, but if you spend more time posing with your bike than riding it, you're the tool.

That's just what I think.

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