Thursday, August 14, 2008

Spokane

Spokane, Washington. Don't go there.

The lady and I flew up for her college roommate's wedding over the weekend. The bride's side of the aisle was OK (they're from Bend), but on the groom's side there were a disturbing number of tattoos, chains, nascar hats, mullets, and cigarettes. The post-wedding toast used Cooks'. That's a harsh buzz.

We hit the Spokane (International) Airport early in the morning, mostly because the inside of the airport appeared to be no less interesting than the rest of Spokane, and at least we knew there was coffee and newspapers to be had. A friend we were travelling with was right behind me in line for security, and he got stopped by the Fuzz as they scanned his bag.

"Sir, is this your bag?"
"Yes, it is."
"Do you have shaving cream in here?"
"Why yes, I do"
"OK well next time, you're going to want to take that out"

And away we went. Never looked, never opened the bag. Just like that. You know, that made me feel really happy that they X-rayed my shoes. I mean, the only reason I even checked my bag was so that I could bring my own toothpaste! So much for high security. Apparently the Terrorists don't fly out of Spokane. Not that the rules make much sense anyways. But let's imagine, for a moment, some other quality conversations that could have occured:

"Sir, is this your bag?"
"Yes, it is."
"Do you have any modeling clay in here?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, that sounds good"
"OK well next time, you're going to want to take that out"


"Sir, is this your bag?"
"Yes, it is."
"Do you have any firearms here?"
"Just a couple"
"OK well next time, you're going to want to take those out"


"Sir, you appear to be shaking and sweating profusely"
"Am I?"
"Yes sir, you might not want to act so nervous or next time we might have to seach you"
"OK, thanks."


Homeland security, brought to you by the TSA, your tax dollars at work.

TSA - Thousands, Standing Around.

5 comments:

Brian Marcroft said...

I flew home from a 24hr mtb race out of Spokane. They busted my balls about a CO2 cartridge in my bag.

G said...

its well known that co2 cartridges are weapons of choice for terrorists. compressed gas in shaving creams is no problem, because only non-terrorists shave.

Aaron Coker said...

There are reasons I never moved back home after college...

Aaron Coker said...

I think terrorists prefer motars. Fortunately (or unfortunately- you gotta be PC these days so as not to piss someone off), we have the technology to trace the trajectory of said mortar and fire one of our own back. I sent you the email.

G said...

yeah that was sick. effective, tho.

good to see that they still use real mortars, and not birkenstocks and shaving cream. someone should alert homeland security. they might not have figured that out.