i have to fart

Message:

the one and only thing i don't like about riding my fixed gear is that it is nearly impossible to cut the cheese. i mean my legs are constantly moving and it makes it nearly impossible to relax enough to release the brown cloud. anyone else have this problem? it wouldn't be so bad except that some days it really builds up and my mid section hurts with all the stink gas that has built up. sometimes i actually have to stop on the side of the road and release the excessive volumes of phew phew wind. if i hold it until the ride is over then that gas seems to just get worse and worse and by the time i get home and off the bike you'ld think i was the mayor of stinky town. so if any of you have some good tips for relaxing while on your fixed gear......

enjoy your friday,
Eric

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Reply:


Eric,

You cannot fart because you are still a level 4 fixed gear rider. You have not relaxed enough to embrace the fixed gear life style. You are holding on too tightly, you are fighting the bike, and you are not yet one with your pedal stroke. Until you have reached the fixed gear epiphany and have completed the union between man and machine, then you will never fart.

Level 1: Search for the fixed gear. You have heard the sound of a single gear turning and wonder what it is all about.

Level 2: Discovering the fixed gear. You have identified the source of the noise. You are curious. You gather parts together in your garage.

Level 3: Perceiving the fixed gear. You have built your bike. It stands before you, unridden. You have questions. Knickers, bibs, or jeans? Where do I put my U-lock? Am I cool enough for brakeless or comfortable enough to install one?

Level 4: Struggling with the fixed gear. You ride the fixed gear, but it rides you. There is no harmony. You are tense. You may not fart. Every muscle hurts trying to control it, to let your gases out, you hold them in.

Level 5: Taming the fixed gear. You relax and your fixed gear rolls with you. It goes where you point it, and your legs are no longer kicked by the pedals. You are spinning well but you cannot fart.

Level 6: Riding the fixed gear home. You turn slowly homeward. The struggle is over; gain and loss are assimilated. The fixed gear feel comfortable and begins to fade underneath you. The road awakens. You are aware of your need to fart.

Level 7: The fixed gear transcended. Farting is now possible. You are serene. The fixed gear is serene also. You no longer notice that there is no freewheel. Your legs turns easily and your muscles relax. You fart as needed.

Level 8: Both fixed gear and self transcended. Farting is now automatic. You are not aware of riding, just of motion as you move along your path. Farting is easy.

Level 9: Reaching the source. You are now unaware of your farts. You are unconcerned with farting or with fixed gears. You are calm.

Level 10: In the world. Farting is no longer necessary. Barefooted and naked of breast, you mingle with the people of the world. Now, before you, dead trees come alive. You are blissful. You go to the marketplace with your wine bottle and return with your staff; everyone you look upon becomes enlightened.





partially plagiarized from the old zen story of 10 bulls.